Letter to the Insomniac

Dear Madeline,

Will you please, please sleep? I know you were really sick two weeks ago and haven't been able to sleep well since. Then Daddy called me on Friday night when I was at work and put the phone up to you. Your breathing sounded HORRENDOUS! I told him take you in the bathroom and steam it up with the hot shower and beat on your back to get you to cough. It helped a little bit, but you still sounded like your throat was really swollen. I know I told Daddy to put you in bed with him so he could hear you and check on you easily. Maybe that wasn't the right decision, but I was afraid you might die, as I have found is a common (but usually crazy) fear of motherhood. Then the next day you didn't want to nap in your crib. But, you were sick and really tired, and I was really tired, so I gave in and let you nap with me in bed. So the pattern continued for the next couple of days.

Last night you weren't sick anymore. Daddy and I wanted you to sleep in your crib, just like you've been doing for months. Was it really necessary for you to cry in protest for so long? It made me feel so sad to hear you. I worried that something might be wrong. I worried that I'm not a good mother to you. How come you had to then wake up at 4:45 in the morning and cry some more? I checked on you when you first started crying, but you were fine. You just wanted me to hold you. I love to hold you, but not every night in the middle of the night for hours until you fall back asleep. That makes me really tired and really grumpy in the morning.

Usually when people are tired, they sleep. I have found that this is not the case with you. Maybe you could learn, though.

I love you so much, but could you please, please sleep?

Love,
Your mom